I Wind Down By

Podcast says birth control changes
who you’re attracted to, that real love can’t survive
science or ritual, I am beautiful in practice
when the conductor calls me an alto
gives me a thick deep seed to hold
in my mouth, I never wanted to be this. Podcast says
the best birth control is a man explaining a theory
is a man explaining anything really, who raises his voice
like a scared ambulance
The first time I cut my lover’s hair
I am active rapture, the razor
threading light I never wanted to be humming
low electric S says stop
says I cut too much
I wanted to see the sounds in his body
turn red, muscles contracting, white cells swimming
in a disco line, I wanted to know if his blood was thicker
after sex
if his body could shift
like a seed
would alto and recognize me
even when landless

or wild.